Friends For Survival, Inc.

P.O. Box 214463, Sacramento, CA 95821
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Six T's of Grief Recovery

Author Unknown






Time

How long depends upon the individual; no one can accurately predict. Well meaning friends and relatives may erroneously tell you, "it's been ____ months, you should be over it now." You may be tempted to set those same expectations for yourself. Take the time to grieve now, not later. Unless you experience the pain and learn to live with it, unresolved grief will continue to come back when you least expect it in many other forms such as anger, guilt or depression. You’ll know when you have recovered when perhaps one morning you wake up and realize that choking lump in your throat has gone and you have begun to resume control of your life.  

Tears

Allow yourself to cry; the tears are healing. Let them flow for their cleansing value; they carry away waste chemicals that have built up in your body. If you cannot do so in public or at work, find a safe place such as a bereavement outreach or self-help network that can understand your tears. It's amazing the volume of tears and what brings them on (it's not always an obvious reminder of your loved one)! Remember to drink more water; tears tend to dehydrate you.

Talk

Talk about your memories of your loved one and the details of their dying. Find understanding listeners. Talking helps to finalize their death and to dispel the myth that they will be back. Sometimes friends and relatives fear to mention the deceased thinking it will make you cry. Assure them that you want to talk because it will help you recover. 

Touch
You miss those hugs and touches from your loved one. Sometimes soon after their death, you build up a defensive shell around yourself. You may feel like a robot or a zombie. Allow yourself to be hugged, to be loved and to be embraced. If you are all alone without any family, make arrangements with a friend to give you a "healing hug" if you look or feel like you need it. Bereaved children need lots of hugs to reassure them of your continuing love

Trust
You must trust in yourself that you will recover from this grief after a suicide death. You may have begun to question your trust in your religion. The anger you feel about your loved one leaving so many details for you to deal with may cause you to doubt your trust in yourself. It is a growing and learning experience to rediscover you as an individual.

Toil
Each person grieves in their own way that is right for them. Other words for toil are tiring work, drudgery, hard struggle, a laborious effort, strenuous fatiguing labor, to achieve a task despite the difficulties. Recognize that grief recovery is all this and more, but it’s worth the effort. You will need to get more rest and eat healthily and regularly to renew your body for this work you must do.


Offering Help After a Suicide Death