Time |
How
long depends upon the individual; no one can accurately predict
Well meaning friends and relatives may erroneously tell you, "It's been ____months,
you should be over it now." You may be tempted to set those same expectation for
yourself. Take the time to grieve now, not later. Unless you experience the pain and learn
to live with it, unresolved grief will continue to come back when you least expect it in
many other forms such as anger, guilt or depression. You'll know when you have recovered
when perhaps one morning you wake up and realize that choking lump in your throat has gone
and you have begun to resume control of your life. |
Tears |
Allow
yourself to cry; the tears are healing.
Let them flow for their cleansing value; they carry away waste chemicals that have
built up in your body. If you cannot do so in public or at work, find a safe place such as
a bereavement outreach or self-help network that can understand your tears. It's amazing
the volume of tears and what brings them on (it's not always an obvious reminder of your
loved one)! Remember to drink more water; tears tend to dehydrate you. |
Talk |
Talk
about your memories of your loved one and the details of their dying.
Find understanding listeners. Talking helps to finalize their death and to dispel the myth
that they will be back. Sometimes friends and relatives fear to mention the deceased
thinking it will make you cry. Assure them that you want to talk because it will help you
recover. |
Touch |
You
miss those hugs and touches from your loved one.
Sometimes soon after their death, you build up a defensive shell around yourself. You may
feel like a robot or a zombie. Allow yourself to be pampered, hugged and cosseted. If
you're all alone without any family, make arrangements with a friend to give you a
"healing hug" if you look or feel like you need it. Bereaved children need lots
of hugs to reassure them of your continuing love. |
Trust |
You
must trust in yourself that you will recover from this grief.
You may have begun to question your trust in your religion. The anger you feel about your
loved one leaving so many details for you to deal with may cause you to doubt your trust
in yourself. It is a growing and learning experience to rediscover you as an individual. |
Toil |
Each
person grieves in their own way that is right for them.
Other words for toil are tiring work, drudgery, hard struggle, a laborious effort,
strenuous fatiguing labor, to achieve a task despite the difficulties. Recognize that
grief recovery is all this and more, but it's worth the effort. You will need to get more
rest and eat healthily and regularly to renew your body for this work you must do. |
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