HOPE SMILES ON THE THRESHOLD OF THE YEAR TO COME, WHISPERING THAT IT WILL BE HAPPIER.

by Alfred Lord Tennyson

My Darling Son, Gary,

On December 18 2000 you decided to take your life.  Since that day my life will never be the same.
I’m so sorry that you were in such pain, and I couldn’t help you because I didn’t know.
I love you so much, and I feel so bad that I can’t help at all.  I wish I had known you were in such pain so I could help you more.  My heart is broken since December 18, 2000.
I miss you so much and I miss telephone calls every night at 10 o’clock.  I can hear your voice and you always say, “What are you doing, Mom?”
I want to tell you that I am very proud of you.  You had so much to offer, you had so much talent, and you were so smart, and you didn’t know it.
You left so many treasures.  Your framing, and all the things you did. You made beautiful things.  Your videos look and sound so good.  I’ll treasure these for the rest of my life.

I consider myself very lucky and thank God for having a son like you all those years.  I consider it a gift from God for having a son like you.  I don’t want to live without you, but, I don’t have any choice, so I have to try.

Your father is also very upset.  He doesn’t talk too much about it , but, he loved you very much.  For your son, Michael, it breaks my heart.  He is very sad.  You two loved each other so much, and he was so close to you.  He doesn’t understand why you went away.  He hasn’t come to see us yet, because he is so scared.  We miss him very much.

I pray to God that you have peace in heaven.  You were the love of my life, and I will never forget you until the day I die.

Good bye  My Love…

Love,  Mom

PS. I like the figurine so much, it filled my heart that you left it for me.  I think the fish is for Michael, but, he hasn’t seen it yet.

Written by Mary Shaw, Rancho Cordova, California, December 2001
Gary Shaw lived from July 14, 1964 to December 18, 2000.

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