FATHER’S DAY

by Gerry Hunt, TCF, White River Junction,  Vermont

Every father believes in his  role as protector of his family
He has been assigned the job of fixer and problem solver.
He has been told since his youngest days that he must be strong—must not cry.

But each father among us has had to face that point where no amount of fixing, problem solving and protecting has been able to stop our child’s death.  And inside, we must ask ourselves about our failure, and we must face our lack of omnipotence.

Father’s Day is often a forgotten holiday, overshadowed by the longer-standing tribute to mothers.  But for the bereaved father it is a poignant reminder of bitter sweetness; sweet in the memory of a loved, now lost, child; bitter for the death and pain and recognition of inability to stop what happened.

Fathers do not often have a chance to share their hurts and concerns.  Oftentimes they are unable to do so, a remnant of childhood learnings about the strength and stoicism of “big boy.”  A father may even be uncomfortable opening up to his wife, and the wife who pushes him to talk may be pushing too hard.

Father’s Day does not have to be a time when everyone pours out of the woodwork to say, “I’m sorry we haven’t talked.  Let’s do it now.”  But it can be a time when the  family gives Dad a hug, does something special, helps with the chores, and mostly, lets him know how important and needed and loved he is.  It is some of these things that he has lost with the death of a child.  And, like Mother’s Day, the day set aside for Fathers does not have to be limited to a Sunday in June.  It can be any day and every day.

Fathers often show their hurts differently, often internally.

But  They  Do Hurt.

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